"Whatever doesn't kill you makes you strong." Is that the truth about bullying? Is it just a normal part of youth, which serves to toughen kids up?
Or is the truth that it's a dangerous disease that can cripple kids emotionally or drive them to return to school with guns to hunt down their abusers?
Reading about the alienation in school experienced by the Pennsylvania Germans, the Irish Catholics, the African Americans, and the Native Americans led me to consider alienation in schools today.
Do you know of a situation in which a person felt like an outcast? Do you know of an experience in which a person was bullied? Of course, teachers should intervene if they see it, but young people are adept at what I call "stealth bullying," carrying it out under the radar. And if the bullying is not detected by adults, what stops kids from seeking help from authorities?
But what about the bully him- or herself? How often was the bully abused by someone else first?
What experiences do you know of, or what thoughts to you have?
Bullying is inevitable. In Jr. High School, I was the shortest and lightest kid in class, so I was the easiest target for any potential bully. The truth is that sometimes I was upset about it. Sometimes I felt like I was physically condemned for being small.
ReplyDeleteUsually, I did not let this happen to me. I did not let bullies dictate my course of actions, nor did I fear turning an issue over to the authorities. I came to school for educational purposes, and I did not try to make too many friends, so I had no problem turning a bully over to the school.
A kid threatened to kill me in the 7th grade. While I was pretty sure this was not a serious threat, I was not going to let him say these things to me anymore, so I turned him in to the authorities, and he was suspended. He tried picking fights outside the school a couple times, but thankfully there were nearby adults who would not let this behavior last. He never laid a finger on me; not ever.
The schools can only do so much to stop bullying, and I respect the actions they take, but the best deterrent is to toughen up the "weaker" kids who are more likely to be victims of bullying. Not physically, but mentally. I knew that there is no shame in "ratting out" a bully, and the kids have to know that. It will happen, but if the "victim" knows the right courses of action, then things should work out.
Bullying is definitely a hot topic today in education. I believe that the bullying around of others can start as early as the toddler years and continue on into adulthood. It can take many forms--physical abuse, verbal abuse, and even cyber abuse. As educators, we have to try and understand the reasons for bullying. What makes one want to put others down? There are always reasons as to why our students act the way they do. We just have to dig deeper. We also have to become aware of strategies that we can do to help the victim as well as the bully. Not only do we help our students academically, but we also have a responsibility to foster their social and emotional development.
ReplyDeleteAs for personal accounts of bullying, I was bullied my senior year of high school into my first two years of college. To make a long story short, there was a girl one year older in high school that starting hating me because I was dating the boy she liked (as silly as it sounds). While I was a senior, she was at college. She began her bullying by calling me once a week (drunk) with her new cronies. When I would pick up, they would verbally abuse me knocking at my appearance, my social status, my family, and my boyfriend. They would always block their calls, so I stopped picking up. Then their calls became more frequent (3 times a week). If I didn't pick up, they would call ten more times in a row and precede to leave obnoxious, vulgar voicemails. The message that put me over the edge was this one: "if you ever came down to O.U., we will slit your throat." Quite frankly, I had enough and went to the police. They were able to trace their calls. The police told them that if I received one more call, that they could be persecuted with a misdemeanor for stalking. Needless to say, the calls stopped. The experience only made me a stronger person. It didn't hurt me. I learned that one reason people bully is because of jealousy.
I love how you used "persecuted" instead of the expected "prosecuted," Deanna. Yes, bullying can often take the form of personal insecurity projected onto others.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion bullying is completely unacceptable and should not be tolerated in any environment. With that being said, we as teachers can not be everywhere. Kids are not always going to get along and things will be said and/or done without our knowledge. I think it is important to let every child know that we are here for them and no subject is taboo. Hopefully, we can foster a healthy environment where the student will feel comfortable coming to us with an issue.
ReplyDeleteI never had an issue like Deanna or Aaron, but I did experience teasing and name calling. At the time I am sure I was upset but now as an adult I could not even tell you who did the teasing and what they even said.
Haha, oops. Typo!
ReplyDeleteCarol, you asked so many important bullying questions that either students and/or educators need to address. Bullying has becoming an epidemic in recent years. Many schools are now implementing bullying programs to combat this form of aggression. We need to teach our students how to cope with bullying situations if they find themselves in one.
ReplyDeleteBullying is unacceptable, but highly prevalent. Some people are strong and can overcome the stigma of being bullied, but others' fates are depression and death.
ReplyDeleteThe technological developments of today make it so easy for children to bully and be bullied over the internet, through texts and phones that many adults may not see, but a much larger number of their peers will witness. Even more than physical acts of bullying are witnessed.
I was picked on. I wouldn't necessarily call it bullied, but it all hurts. No one wants to be left out or treated differently than others, just like the connection you made to various types of discrimination.
My experiences are like and unlike Aaron’s. I felt physically condemned too. I knew I needed to toughen up, but it was hard. I was afraid to go to authorities because I thought the bullies would make things worse. However, no one ever said they would kill me. Whoa! I only had to worry about things being thrown, and being pushed around near the stairs. Aaron, I’m so glad you told someone!
ReplyDeleteDeanna, you make good points about teachers helping with both academics and emotional development. And you’re right that bullying can happen in different ways. I think Aaron pointed out the persecute/prosecute play on words because it would have been fitting if you had persecuted the girl and her friends since they had persecuted you.
Lizz, I’m glad you have moved past the teasing and name calling; that is, I’m glad it was mild enough that it didn’t leave scars. I agree that we need to be sure to let students know we’re available to help. We can’t just assume.
Gina, our school system has become more proactive about bullying in recent years, like you said. We do need to teach kids. Adults always say, “Ignore it.” That’s actually based on operant conditioning and the likelihood for a behavior to die out without reinforcement, but kids don’t understand that. Kids think adults are just being wimpy.
Toya, I love your choice of words: “unacceptable but prevalent.” You’re right that it can result in depression and death. The scars can be lifelong in some cases. And cyber bullying has special horrors. If someone calls you a name in study hall, only a certain amount of students hear it. If someone attacks you online, potentially hundreds or thousands can see it. In that case, we almost need a “Bullying Victim Relocation Protection Program.”
Our school system has taken up some anti-bullying initiatives. We have also have a program called Project Love that allows students to nominate peers who have helped others in need. They’re photographed and their picture hangs in a place of honor for a month as a Rescuer of the Month.
More thoughts and experiences welcome. You can also talk about times you felt alienated in school. Thank you so much.